Monday, July 12, 2010

Failbook


Facebook keeps suggesting I “reconnect” with one of my friends. It’s always the same friend (is fb trying to hint at something?) and it’s always the same boring suggestions: “Say hello. Write on his wall. Share the latest news. Etc.” It made me realize how boring and sometimes downright unrealistic facebook can be with its limited suggestions and categories. So I thought up of a few things that can make it better. Let’s start with the whole reconnecting thing. Things I feel need to be added:


Cyberstalk her.

Creep his wall.

Make inappropriate comments on her pictures.

Send him a private message lined with subtle innuendos and see if he catches on.

Meet up in person and actually talk face-to-face...just kidding, write on his wall.


In the “Interested In” section there is Women and Men. Not only is this speciest, but let’s face it – it’s prejudice against intersexuals. Where is their category? Where is the justice? (The same problem exists where fb asks you to define your sex.) Things I feel need to be added:


Intersexuals.

Ladyboys.

Aliens.

People with a three digit IQ.


Things I feel need to be added to Relationship Status:


Being suffocated by _________

Constantly fantasizing about _________

Started dating ______ but am waiting for her to change the relationship status first so I don’t seem needy.


Things I feel need to be added to “Looking for”:


Minions.

Twitter followers.

Acquaintances I can borrow money from.

The Holy Grail (Thanks to Leah for this one).

FarmVille neighbors.

Random people I want to add just to make my friends list look bigger.


I think we all know people who are looking for the last category…you know the ones I’m talking about, those people who have over 1000 “friends” with the list growing everyday. The people who always have “Fred McFriendly just became friends with Another Random” as their latest activity no matter what time of the day you click on their profile. I will never understand why someone would add people they never spoke to in real life so they can never speak to them online. If one medium of not-speaking is not enough, why stop there? Why not send this person an email with nothing, leave an empty message on their answering machine, send a blank piece of paper through snail mail?


This is also one of the things about fb privacy settings that bugs me…one of many things (fb privacy settings have been going downhill ever since they announced that all our content are belong to them). Things I feel should be added to who can “send me a friend request”:


No one


Finally, I feel that the “People You May Know” section should be renamed “A collection of random people, some of which you happen to have a friend or two in common with, and only about 5% - at best - of whom you may actually know.”

4 comments:

aviangata said...

They never did write me back when I suggested they add the Holy Grail.

I really want them to have "Nemesis of: ________" in the relationship category.

Or just have it so you can make relationship fields on your own--I'm sure I could come up with lots of titles for you all.

Ian Prittie said...

Even worse is that I just saw that someone has made an "Automatic Friend Finder"...wtf?

Anastasia said...

@ avian - See? Completely humourless. And being able to make up your own would be great, but I can't see then going for that either...

@ Ian - I didn't use it because it asks for your password...seems sketchy...

Anonymous said...

lol excellent. /trev