Monday, December 20, 2010

Communism and Other Reasons to Hate Santa

Here are my top ten reasons to hate Santa (I'm sure you can think of more):

10. He’s judgmental. Why should he decide who is naughty or nice? Or, indeed, what should constitute as being ‘naughty’ and being ‘nice’? Who does he think he is?

9. Worker exploitation. Those poor little elves get no health benefits, no paid vacation, nothing!

8. He’s a stalker.


7. He leads decent women to sin. How many kids have spotted their mommy kissing Santa Claus? It is not right to treat another man's wife as your personal “hoe hoe hoe.”

6. Animal Cruelty. How would you like to be forced to fly around the whole bloody world?

5. He is just plain creepy. I don't want to say he's a pedophile, but it's not right asking little kids to sit on your lap and then say stuff like “Have you been a naughty girl?” He even keeps a “list” of all our children. Personally, I find that all sorts of sinister.

4. His name is just one letter placement away from Satan. Coincidence? Well, yes, probably, but I still feel that it should be noted.

3. He’s a drug dealer. I mean, how else would he get the capital? If you think milk and cookies go far in this economy, think again! And he no doubt uses those drugs himself.

"Santa goes around the world in one night without stopping? Meth is Santa's Little Helper." - @Paxochka

2. Breaking and entering. In a civilized society, that’s considered a crime.

1. He’s a communist. The red suit, the red sack, the favouring of Rudolf because he has a red nose. And no matter how much or how little an elf works they all get an equal wage.


So Merry Christmas to you too, but know that we’re on to you, Komrade Kringle.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Slacktivism, FTW!

My friend had this status on facebook last week:
Breaking news: Child Abuse Cured by Facebook Cartoon Pictures.
It made laugh. But not as much as the replies. "It will make people feel better. That counts for something." "What's wrong with making yourself feel better?"

Since when did it turn from 'stopping child abuse' to 'making yourself feel better about child abuse'?

"It's the best some people can do."

Really? I doubt it. Maybe for some people it is, maybe others actually do donate time and money in addition to changing their profile pic but I am going to venture a guess that most do not. Most people could be doing a lot more.

When people hear about an issue such as abuse, starving children, cancer, etc. The think "oh noes, that's so terrible, so sad!" They rush to the Interwebz to change their picture or status then forget about it and go back to their Wii games and their steak dinners. The Interwebz are great that way, with a simple change of you fb status to the colour of your bra, or a well written, morally outraged forum post you can truly feel like you've made a difference in the world. You can put a checkmark in your morality column for the day and go on your merry way, not giving the issue a second thought.

People who really do their best are the exception, not the rule. But hey, now that I made this blog post I can feel better about knowing that, and so can you!

"It gets the message out there."

Possibly, but without putting in any other effort those messages mutate from 'there is an issue' to 'look at me, I'm such a moral person, I care about this issue.'

I leave you with the wisdom of twitter: "Changing your avatar to a cartoon to prevent child abuse is like changing your avatar to a treadmill to prevent obesity." - @ruthakers