Pineapples, sunshine, and despair.

I've sent these emails to a former prof:

Date:	Thu, 24 Mar 2011 5:12 pm
Subject:	Hello!
I am just emailing you to let you know you that if I should ever descend into madness because of too much stress from school work and get put into a mental institution and then ran away after 6 month and decide to go on a killing spree to exact my revenge on the world, I would kill you last. You're welcome.

Date:	Wed, 04 May 2011 7:28 pm
Subject:	memories
I have a lot of fond memories of being in your class. My favourite is when I would completely tune you out and think about unicorns. If unicorns existed, naturally unicorn jousting would exist as well. I think you would have made a fine unicorn jouster. People would come watch your unicorn jousting and say "that guy is a fine unicorn jouster." Of course you wouldn't be the best unicorn jouster so you would still have to keep your day job.

Date:	Sat, 21 May 2011 6:11 pm
Subject:	Cookies also make my day better
It was nice running into you yesterday. The days that I see you always become up to 0.018% better, sometimes. I remember I was really sad once and I thought “You know what would make this day up to 0.018% better, probably? Seeing him.” But I did not see you and my day did not become up to 0.018% better. Don’t worry though, I forgave you. I'd like to think that if we just met randomly we would have become quick friends, like the kind that plan to write a comic book together but never get around to it because they're lazy and procrastinate. When we would get together to congregate you would laugh at my storyline and I would laugh at your attempts of drawing and you would laugh that someone under the age of 70 uses the word "congregate".

Date:	Sun, 12 Jun 2011 4:36 pm
Subject:	brains
Sometimes when I walk on campus in the evenings when it's dark and deserted I like to pretend we all live in a post-apocalyptic world overrun by zombies, every day a fight for survival. I'd like to think I would be able to survive fairly well for a while. Eventually of course I would trip and fall on my face whilst a zombie is chasing me, get bit, and turn into a zombie myself. After I get turned into a zombie I would come find you because I’d like to eat you. I think you would taste good, like pineapples and sunshine and despair. Date:  Tue, 09 Aug 2011 11:14 pm Subject:  Carnivàle I’m currently watching a show about a carnival and it makes me sad that the carnival doesn’t come to town anymore. I mean we have stuff like the circus and Capital Ex but it’s just not the same. There isn’t that aura of strangeness and that sense of wonder that makes you feel like a kid again. Only a carnival can do that. I think it is tragic that people can’t get their cards read and their future foretold, can’t ogle the bearded lady and watch some guy deep-throat a sword, can’t throw rocks at other people’s children who are being too loud...can’t do all of these things in one wonderful, magical place. Tragic. After I find a stable, well paying job with my Arts degree I think I’m going to save up money to revive the carnival. I'm writing you to let you know that if you should ever grow weary of the idleness of a “normal” life, you would be more than welcome to join my carnival. I am positive that you would make a splendid carnie (with a bit of training, of course)! Date:  Wed, 10 Aug 2011 09:36 am Subject:  I want a giraffe Speaking of Capital EX, did you go this year? I did. I ended up with a sunburn and about $97.50 less in my pocket. Basically, ‘twas awesome. There is nothing I love more than going on a good ride. I especially enjoyed the upside down ones. Although it doesn’t really feel like you’re going upside down, it feels like the rest of the world is. It’s not you that’s spinning; it’s everything and everyone else. Funny how our perception can sometimes make it feel like the world revolves around us. The only thing that could have made that day better was giraffes. And maybe if there was less people. I don’t like people.
Date:	Wed, 10 Aug 2011 12:11 pm
Subject:	Raisins are the crocs of the food world
Someone offered me chocolate-covered raisins yesterday. Needless to say, the person and I are no longer friends. I imagine the thought process of the first person to eat a raisin was something along the lines of “Instead of eating this beautiful, delicious fruit that the angels call ‘grape’ in the natural way that God intended it to be eaten, I shall leave it out in the sun to dry up and die. Then I can feast on its carcass like some sort of wild, deranged animal.” Or maybe I am wrong, maybe it was simply “This looks like rat droppings; I think I’ll eat it.” Either way, I shall never understand the rational behind raisins. Nevertheless, I would probably eat a few raisins for you to show that we are friends. Probably.

 He still hasn't asked me out, what am I doing wrong?